Tag Archives: the Internet

Cooking and Pinterest

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For a long time, I didn’t cook. I used to come home from work and heat up a Lean Cuisine or pick up something quick on the way home. It wasn’t that I didn’t like cooking, I just didn’t want to make time to do it.

For a long time, I didn’t get Pinterest, either. I even wrote a post where I said how I didn’t like it. Well, I stand corrected—Pinterest is awesome. And so is cooking. And cooking withPinterest is the best of all. (I still don’t like the other four things I mentioned in that previous post, though.)

So, time to share with you some of the Pinterest recipes I’ve tried and loved recently. And feel free to follow me on Pinterest here!

Avocado Toast

I love avocado and guacamole, but it had never occurred to me to spread it on toast. This was super-easy to make and tasted awesome—and the red pepper flakes are what give it that extra “oomph.”

Avocado Fries

THESE ARE FREAKING AMAZING. I never would have thought of this. Fried slices of avocado covered in breadcrumbs? It sounds so weird but they are really, REALLY good.

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that this was a possibility. A crust made from cauliflower? Yep, believe it. And while you shouldn’t expect it to taste like normal crust, it is good. I am going to have to try it again, though—mine turned out a bit burned in some places, so I recommend making sure that the crust is spread evenly before baking it.

Crockpot Cashew Chicken

So. Freaking. Good. I need to utilize my crockpot more often. I like to try to make myself the kinds of dinners I have when I eat out, and I do love cashew chicken. This was delicious, and the recipe gave me enough food for dinner all week.

Pumpkin Gingerbread Trifle

I’ve been making a lot of seasonal desserts—pumpkin, apple—lately, and this was one of my favorites. I made it when Julie came over to play a Downton Abbey drinking game with me—I figured we needed a British-esque dessert! It was super-easy to make and tasted great. (Although, once you spoon it into a dish, it looks kind of gross.)

Candy Corn Bark

You might not be able to make this again until next year, since candy corn has disappeared. But I made it for my chorus (we have a bake sale every week) and it was a big hit! I recommend using regular chocolate rather than white (because, seriously, real chocolate is always better than white chocolate).

I have a zillion more recipes I want to try. I might never be a great cook, but I enjoy it, I’ve made some tasty food, and it makes me happy!

But This Is My Song

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I don’t think I’m a very nice person. Really, I don’t. If you’re reading this thinking, “Oh, but I know you and you did/said this one nice thing this one time!” or “But I’ve been reading your blog and you seem like a nice girl!” I thank you for that, but I would like to think that I know myself better than you do and, really, I don’t think I’m very nice.

Here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t realize until they get to know me better: I am constantly angry. It goes hand-in-hand with my anxiety, which is actually about a million times better than it used to be. But although my angry thoughts are generally not as intense as they used to be, anger is one thing I can’t seem to shake. If I’m mad at someone, I don’t just think, “I’m mad at you.” Instead, I jump to all kinds of hateful thoughts that I don’t really mean, but feel like I mean as I’m in my anger.

I have written here before about how a Brandi Carlile song applies to my life. Well, here goes a post about another one, “My Song.” Specifically, the last lines:

Here I am
I’m so young
I know I’ve been bitter, I’ve been jaded, I’m alone
Every day
I bite my tongue
Don’t you know my mind is full of razors
I’m not sure I can take it
I’ve nothing strong to hold to
I’m way too old to hate you
My mind is full of razors
To cut you like a word if only sung
But this is my song

I love this song because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt those words. I do feel like my mind is full of razors. Good example– remember this post? I stand by that post completely because I was actually pretty calm when I wrote it–I purposely waited until I had calmed down to write it because the actual thought I have when someone’s cigarette smoke blows into my face is a lot worse than wanting to push a button to wipe smokers off the face of the earth.

I don’t like being this way, and I am constantly struggling against it, trying to be nice when being nice does not come naturally to me. Despite this, I do believe that most people really are nice. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorite books, and I love what Atticus tells Scout at the end of it: “Most people are [nice], Scout, when you finally see them.”

The problem is, though, that being nice isn’t “cool” in our culture. People always tout their sarcasm as if it’s a positive trait when a lot of times they use it to make fun of people. So much of the humor we see on TV is mean-spirited and at other people’s expense. Women will label themselves “bitches” as a reclaiming thing, but rather than use the word to mean “strong, opinionated, outspoken woman,” they embrace the worst connotations of the word “bitch”–the unapologetically catty, mean parts.

We condemn bullying in schools and cyberbullying among teenagers when we perpetuate it ourselves online. Jill wrote an excellent post recently about how the fashion blogging community can seem like high school. Nicole recently saw firsthand how uncharitably people react to news stories they really know nothing about. In college, I interned for a parenting author who, among other things, ran a message board for moms, and I saw how even women who should be setting good examples for their children could turn on each other and be petty and mean-spirited.

And this week, I saw it at 20sb–a very cliquey group of people ganging up on others who have done nothing to hurt them. Specifically, one blogger I admire a lot was very hurt by what went down.

And this really saddens me. I’ve written a lot about how in the past year I’ve connected with many great, talented bloggers, and the behavior I just described is not what I want that community to be. I’ve discovered a lot of kind, positive things that have come out of the 20sb community, like More Love Letters and Let’s Drop a Love Bomb, not to mention the friendships and connections that have developed.

Yes, we all need to vent sometimes. Yes, a little snark can be fun sometimes as long as it isn’t hurting anyone (Childhood Trauma and Television Without Pity are two good examples of this). Yes, you are allowed to rant about how you hate [insert overexposed celebrity here]. But saying mean things about people who haven’t done anything to you and who you know may very well be reading what you write…no. Just no.

 

It can be hard to resist cultural norms that say it’s okay to insult people and, in my case, to resist cutting with the razors in your mind. Not to be cheesy with a life-is-a-song metaphor or anything but to bring this post full circle, this is YOUR song. You decide how it goes, and it’s always better to do your own thing and go on singing no matter who it is who bothers you. Although I struggle with this, I try not to let those who bother me get the best of me. It’s my song, and my life.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahi09hiGDbo]

Some Cool Blogs That Aren’t Mine

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Awhile ago, I wrote about some of the blogs I read. Wow, a lot has changed since then! My Google Reader has, like, quadrupled in size since I joined 20sb, and I’ve also discovered some great blogs on my own. If you’re looking for something new and interesting to read, here are some of my suggestions:

Hyperbole and a Half

I’m not big on favorites. I don’t have a favorite book, a favorite song, or a favorite food because simply can’t pick.

Hyperbole and a Half is my favorite blog. You’re probably already reading it, but in case you’re not, here’s its story. It’s written by twenty-something Allie Brosh, who tells crazy stories about her life and illustrates them with goofy Paintbrush drawings. Allie is absolutely hilarious and a fantastic storyteller (and pretty, too), and I kind of want her to be my best friend. She writes about everything from her crazy antics as a child to the adventures of her mentally challenged dog. Two of my favorites are Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving and one that’s appropriate for this time of year, The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas. Allie is writing a book right now that will be published in about a year, and sadly has not been blogging as much. But I can’t wait for the book.

Catalog Living

Actually, this is coming out with a book, too! Anyway, you know how in furniture catalogs, the furniture is always arranged in really strange ways? This blog imagines the lives of Gary and Elaine, the people who live in the catalogs. Every day, there’s a picture accompanied by a snarky caption, and it guarantees me at least one laugh per day.

Diary of a Dying Girl

The author of this blog, who calls herself Jorah Day, has a terminal condition. She doesn’t discuss it on the blog because she wants it to be more about her life than her impending death (although if you’re really curious, she did once go into detail about it on 20sb). But that’s not why you should read her blog. You should read it because she’s an absolutely amazing writer. She just has a wonderful way with words and of constructing a narrative. She’s currently going through a difficult breakup and has written about it with a lot of honesty and self-awareness. You know those people who come off as cool precisely because they don’t try to be cool? That’s Jorah.

Sweeney Says

I’ve already talked a bit about her (if you weren’t following the story, it thankfully ended happily—Derrik and the other two boys were released and have returned to the U.S.). Sweeney is just so funny and interesting and down-to-earth and sometimes falls into gutters in Ghana. I’m always excited when she updates. Plus, right now she’s in grad school in Paris, which has led to some interesting posts about her experiences as an expat.

Sara Swears a Lot

Last year, Sara won an award for “Blogger I’d Like to Get a Drink With,” and after reading her blog for a bit, you can see why. The girl is hilarious and, yes, does swear a lot. And did I mention she started the Karaoke Ring of Death? There’s a lot of heart mixed in with the humor, though. She recently got married, and she managed to write very poignantly about how happy her marriage has made her without being annoying, which is an accomplishment in itself.

Childhood Trauma

Sara, Sweeney, and three other bloggers write this site, which snarks on all our favorite book series from when we were kids: The Baby-Sitters Club, Sweet Valley High, The Boxcar Children, Goosebumps, etc.

Talk Nerdy To Me Lover

I talked about this site and its founder, Jen Friel, in this post.

Wishcake

I don’t know what it is that makes this blog so good. It could be Kerri’s clear, honest, confident-yet-relatable writing style. It could be the lovely design. It could be all the cute pictures of Kerri’s baby daughter, who was born in August. In any case, it was one of the first 20sb blogs I started reading, and definitely one of the best.

It’s Like I’m….Mmmagic!

Brandy is a teacher in Canada. She has a lot of funny stories about her students, lots of strong opinions, and a certain “it” factor that makes her blog awesome. She also started The Secret Project, where fellow bloggers send in secrets they’d like to get off their chests and she posts them anonymously.

Smile Big and Pretty

Jas is a writer, an actress, and occasionally a train. Not to mention hilarious and adorable. She has funny stories about everything from the world’s sketchiest audition to accidentally storming into a Ugandan church holding the clothes she was about to wear for a pin-up photo shoot. She wants to move to LA to help further her acting career, and I read her blog partly in hopes that I can say I knew her back when.

These are just ten of the blogs I’m reading—there are dozens more! So many that I can’t even list them all here. Housekeeping detail: I have updated my blogroll on the right, so check out some of the other blogs there, too!

Things On the Internet I Don’t Get

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There are two extremes when it comes to social media—those who think it’s the most amazing thing to happen this millennium and don’t know how we ever lived without it, and those who hate it, think it’s a complete waste of time, and believe we should all go back to corresponding by phone and the postal service. Bloggers generally fall toward the OMG AMAZING end of the spectrum, but I think I fall somewhere in the middle.

Let’s talk about what I love first. Obviously, I love blogging. I love, love, LOVE Facebook, partly because I’ve probably been on it longer than you, unless you’re one of my college friends or you were an Ivy League student in the spring of 2004. Boston-area schools were on it pretty early, when it was still Thefacebook.com. I was actually slightly late to the party—I held out until December of 2004, when Erin guilted me into it by saying that when she clicked on our dorm room number, I was the only person in our suite who didn’t show up. (Yep, it used to do that—a fun way of finding out who people’s roommates were.) I’ve told you about how much I love my Google Reader (damn you, Google, for the changes you’re making to it!). And I love sites based on a specific interest, like 20sb and Goodreads.

But there are a lot of things on the Internet whose popularity makes me scratch my head. Here are some of them:

-Twitter. I know, I know, I’m one of the very few bloggers out there who doesn’t also use Twitter, but really, I just do not like it. I find it very aesthetically displeasing, for one thing. All those @s and #s and RTs look so damn ugly to me. I don’t like how it forces people to use abbreviations and misspellings because of the character limit. And I’ve never quite gotten the point of it. If you have something quick to say, can’t you just make a Facebook status update? Plus, I know a lot of people are just on it to follow celebrities, but I guess I’m not interested enough in any celebs to be willing to do that. I’ll “like” them on Facebook instead.

I don’t know. I think Twitter speaks to our collective lack of attention span or something—I just find it fundamentally bothersome that people’s thoughts and feelings can be reduced to badly-spelled, misused-symbol-heavy, 140-character posts. I really hope Twitter goes the way of Myspace (for the record, I was never on Myspace, either—all those teenagers with glittery pages where music played when you opened them turned me off).

-Foursquare. Back in the days of AIM, I felt the need to let the world know where I was at all times, but I’ve long since outgrown that. Now, here’s where I sound like a Luddite, but really—if you want to know where I am, can’t you just call me and ask?

-Tumblr. So, I guess technically Tumblr is a blogging platform, but that’s not what people use it for. Mostly, they just share pictures that they find elsewhere on the Internet. And they follow their friends on it and join groups to find the kind of pictures they want and “reblog” the pictures they find from other people. I really, really don’t get it. I don’t even like blogs that have too many pictures in them—I want to READ blogs, not look at photo albums. So I definitely don’t get posts that consist of only one picture.

-Pinterest. This is kind of like taking computer bookmarks and Tumblr pictures, combining them, and laying them out in bulletin board format. I sort of see the appeal of this because you can find new links through it, but it’s nothing I’d want for myself. If I see something I want to bookmark, I just bookmark it.

-Fashion blogging. Now, there are zillions of these out there, so someone must be reading them, but I can’t imagine why. I admit I’m a bit biased because, despite being a pink-wearing, chick-flick-loving girly girl, I’m not the slightest bit interested in fashion. But, no offense, but I genuinely don’t understand why anyone should care what outfit you wore today. If you find a good theme, like Jill did, I get the appeal of that, but I find 99% of fashion blogs ridiculously boring.

I know, I know, GET OFF MY LAWN, KIDS! But I guess the point I’m getting to is that despite the way some people talk about it, social media is not an all-or-nothing thing. Even if you don’t share all my specific views, you probably have your own opinions about what sites you like and don’t like. So I think it’s a bit silly to say you love or hate ALL social media, because the odds are that you probably don’t. I don’t love social media. I love Facebook, blogging, Google Reader, 20sb, and Goodreads. And plenty of people out there have views that are the reverse of mine—Kerri, for instance, loves Twitter but deactivated her Facebook account.

What about you? What do you love and what do you hate out there on the World Wide Web?

In Defense of Boston

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I did many things over Columbus Day weekend this year—celebrated Erin’s birthday and played with her adorable new kitten, got some sushi with Julie, ran the half marathon, ate pizza with my roommate, watched Mean Girls and Legally Blonde on TV, ate a pumpkin muffin, and spent all day Monday and Sunday afternoon and evening lounging around the house recovering. Unfortunately, one thing I did not do was meet Jen Friel.

One of the many websites I’ve discovered through 20-something bloggers is Talk Nerdy To Me Lover, run by the incomparable Jen Friel. This girl has fascinated me since I started reading TNTML. She’s a study in contradictions: a gorgeous girl who has built her online following around her nerdiness, a girl who is smart enough to finish high school at age sixteen but chose not to go to college, a former professional model and actress who would rather be the one running the show, a girl from a well-off Connecticut family who spent a year couch surfing and living out of her car in the name of following her website dreams. But I’m also fascinated by her willingness to be open and put herself out there. She calls herself a “lifecaster” rather than a blogger, and she does not hold anything back in telling her audience about her life. She protects certain people’s identities and doesn’t write about certain things for business or legal reasons, but other than that, her life is right there, out in the open.

Those of you in New England who have Comcast cable (like me!) can find Jen under your On Demand options, too. She explains how here!

One other cool thing about Jen is that she does her best to meet new people wherever she goes. When she was in Boston in September to film her show, she didn’t have such a good time, and she explains why here, here, and here.

So when she was back in Boston over Columbus Day weekend, I shot her a note hoping that we could meet up, and it made it onto her blog! But unfortunately, the timing never worked out between Erin’s birthday, Jen’s filming schedule, and me having to recover from the half-marathon. I am happy to say, though, that despite one asshole at Trader Joe’s, she had a much better experience this time around. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be a part of it.

Her experience in Boston got me thinking, though. Is it really harder to pick up guys in bars here than it is elsewhere? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it was. On my ill-fated night in New York, I was in a bar for about fifteen minutes, and I was surprised at how many people talked to me. In Boston, though, I barely know anyone who got a relationship or even a hookup by meeting someone at a bar. One time, Julie and I were at The Burren when the bartender told us that two guys at the other end of the bar wanted to buy us refills on our drinks. We accepted, and I think waved at them from across the bar, and…nothing. They didn’t even come over to say hi!

So, yes, having had zero luck at finding a boyfriend here, I would say that Boston is not the place to go to find a date. However, I kind of do take exception to her characterization of Boston as a cold, unfriendly city, although Jen’s certainly not the first person to say so.

This is the thing—I think what people mistake for unfriendliness in Bostonians is really just a desire to give people their privacy and space. It’s a mentality that’s the complete opposite of that of a lifecaster who shares anything and everything about herself with the world. I’ve never been to LA, where Jen lives, but from everything I’ve heard, it’s much different there. It’s full of people in the entertainment industry, so I would not be surprised to learn that people there reveal more about themselves and try to connect with more people that they meet.

But in Boston, I don’t assume that people want to talk to me; I assume that they don’t. I want to meet people at parties, at work, at events, but when I’m riding the T, walking down the street, or eating in a restaurant, I just want to get off the T/get to where I’m going/eat my lunch. If I saw someone sitting alone in a bar, I’d assume that she was either waiting for her friends or wanted to be alone and undisturbed—because I know that if I were in a bar alone, that’s what I would want.

I don’t think it’s a friendliness/unfriendliness thing as much as extroversion/introversion. Boston is an introverted city. People here don’t dislike each other; they just draw energy from themselves more than they do from others. Of course there are people who are rude and inconsiderate, but don’t those people exist in every city?

I obviously can’t speak for all Bostonians, but I can tell you from my personal opinion that when dealing with strangers in public, I try to think of how I would want people to act toward me. If I were sitting in that seat on the T, I would want someone getting on the train to find a seat other than the one right next to me so that I would be more comfortable. If I were alone in a restaurant, I would want to be left alone.

But sometimes it’s not so easy. The golden rule isn’t foolproof—not everyone wants others to do unto them the way you would have others do unto you. As Sars has discussed at Tomato Nation, what if you see someone crying in public? What should you do then?

I remember one incident that happened almost a year ago—the Friday before Halloween last year. I was taking the T home, and a girl got on and sat down across from me. I couldn’t tell whether she was wearing a costume or not. She was in her twenties and pretty, with chin-length blonde hair that stuck out a bit on the sides. She was wearing black fishnets, tall black boots, a short skirt, and a red top along with a lot of makeup. It was something a goth teenager might wear, but on her it looked out of place. If it was a costume, though, I couldn’t tell what it was. She was staring at the floor as tears filled her eyes.

What had happened? Had she been rejected by someone she liked? Was a family member dead or dying? Had she gone to a party and felt unwelcome there? Had she fought with her friends?

I’d cried on public transportation before, and I remembered just hoping desperately that no one would notice and giving a quick, “Yeah,” to the one person who asked me if I was okay. I was grateful then to live in Boston. To me, the lack of response felt much more respectful.

But this girl wasn’t me. What if she was sitting there becoming more depressed by the thought that no one noticed her tears? What if she was new to the city and taking this as a sign that everyone here was unfriendly and cruel? What if this wasn’t just a momentary sadness and she was considering suicide?

I leaned forward and said, “Are you all right?” The corners of her mouth turned up a little bit and she said softly, “Yeah, I’m okay.” She didn’t say anything else until we got to Central Square, where she got up and said, “Thank you,” to me with that same small smile as she got off the train.

I think there’s a time and a place for being open and friendly, but there’s also a time and a place for keeping to yourself and giving those around you their privacy. Bostonians tend to value the latter more, but that doesn’t mean we’re not nice people. I remember one time a woman started to feel sick on the T, and everyone was giving up their seats, asking her how she was, walking with her once she got off the train.

I know I’m a bit biased, having lived in this area my whole life, but if I didn’t love it so much, I would have left by now. There’s an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie walks out on a guy after he says he doesn’t like New York, saying, “If Louis was right and you only get one great love, then New York might just be mine…and I can’t have nobody talkin’ shit about my boyfriend.”

Substitute Boston for New York, and that’s exactly how I feel.

Um.

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It’s mostly my friends who read this blog, but occasionally I get comments from people who find me via some other method- a link on a friend’s blog, my 20-something Bloggers profile, or by Googling something.

That last method is the one I’m really interested in. I remember when I first started this blog, I had a post that mentioned Keith Lockhart, and a surprising number of people found me by Googling “Keith Lockhart’s divorce.” Mostly, people find me by Googling things like “single 20 something blog,” “struggling with being single,” or “books for twenty-something women.” A lot of people have found me by Googling “four-oh-wunk,” or the Sex and the City quote at the top of the blog. I’ve even had people find me by Googling, with quotation marks, “I hate Arrested Development” and “If you like Damages.”

But nothing tops the search that lead someone to me today.

I really don’t want to know.

Um.

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It’s mostly my friends who read this blog, but occasionally I get comments from people who find me via some other method- a link on a friend’s blog, my 20-something Bloggers profile, or by Googling something.

That last method is the one I’m really interested in. I remember when I first started this blog, I had a post that mentioned Keith Lockhart, and a surprising number of people found me by Googling “Keith Lockhart’s divorce.” Mostly, people find me by Googling things like “single 20 something blog,” “struggling with being single,” or “books for twenty-something women.” A lot of people have found me by Googling “four-oh-wunk,” or the Sex and the City quote at the top of the blog. I’ve even had people find me by Googling, with quotation marks, “I hate Arrested Development” and “If you like Damages.”

But nothing tops the search that lead someone to me today.

I really don’t want to know.

That Don’t Impress Me Much

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I’ve been doing a lot of looking around Match.com and OKCupid lately, and I have to say—a lot of the people on there could use some profile lessons.

Now, of course, some of them are just laughably bad. Rebekah recently shared some of the ones she’d come across. I recall one guy on Match.com who said he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he was about to move to New York–really, dude? You can’t just place a Craigslist ad or pick up a girl in a bar? There was another guy on Match whose profile seemed totally normal until the last line, which read, “Some turnoffs: prissy princesses, women who drink beer or drink too much.” … I see how the first and last ones could be turnoffs, but women who drink beer? WTF?

And, of course, this gem of a confession from OKCupid: “I once called my college roommates parents cause he was such a slob, and it worked! he cleaned up!”

Wow. I have so much more respect for you because you have the balls to admit to being a passive-aggressive tattletale.

So there are those. And there are the people who simply don’t seem like my type. But there are also the profiles that aren’t bad so much as trying too hard- like they’re only writing what they think people want to hear. Here’s what a typical straight male online dating profile sounds like:

“I never thought I’d be doing online dating, but I’m really getting tired of the bar scene. I’m a down-to-earth, easygoing guy with a sarcastic sense of humor. I’m very career-driven but also like to relax with a beer watching a Boston sports game with friends on the weekends. I enjoy spending time hiking and experiencing the outdoors and also try to go to the gym as much as I can. Traveling is my passion. My family is wonderful and we’re very close. I’m looking for a girl who is always up for anything and can get dressed up for a night on the town or relax in sweats with me and a movie. If this sounds good to you, drop me a line!”

Now, there’s nothing blatantly wrong with profiles like these. And if you’re genuinely a down-to-earth, sarcastic, career-driven, outdoors-loving, world-traveling, family-worshipping gym rat, well, go ahead and post a profile like that. But girls are going to have a hard time telling you apart from the millions of other down-to-earth, sarcastic, career-driven, outdoors-loving, world-traveling, family-worshipping gym rats attempting to find dates online. And maybe the majority of guys out there (or at least the majority of guys who come up in my searches) really are like that, but I think it’s more likely that they’re just saying what they think we want to hear. So let’s break it down:

-First of all, none of us ever thought we were going to do online dating. We all dreamed of meeting our soul mates in high school, then in college, then at work, then in a meet-cute incident at a bar. (Or at least I did.) So that disclaimer is unnecessary.

-As is the line about “the bar scene.” I’m sure some people do get long-term relationships out of people they meet at bars, but the odds are against you. Frankly, if that was the method you depended upon to meet girls, I have to say that I think a little less of you.

-Career-driven is great. Career-driven is fabulous. But you’ve got to give me more than that. If you just say “career-driven,” you just sound like someone who worships money. You need to tell me why you’re career-driven. Did you start in an entry-level position, enjoyed it, wanted more of a challenge, and worked your way up to manager? Did you decide to go into medicine/education/social work because you’re passionate about curing diseases/teaching the children/righting the wrongs of the world? Do you have goals for the work you do because you love it so much? Is it a career you only sort of like but you can live with it because you know it will finance your future and your children’s future? All of these reasons are great and things I want to know about, but most people just end up settling for “career-driven.” Give me something I can work with!

-“Hiking and exploring the outdoors.” Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with this. The thing that amazes me is the sheer number of guys who put this in their profile. In real life, I only rarely hear people talk about going hiking or fishing or camping over the weekends, but a ridiculous number of guys on online dating sites seem to like these things. Are that many guys really into it and I don’t realize it? Or do they just put it in their profile because they think it makes them seem “rugged” and “manly”?

-“I try to go to the gym as much as I can.” Now, here’s one instance where something comes off exactly the opposite of how the guy intended it. If you’re training for a race, fabulous! If you’re raising money for cancer/the dolphins/the Human Fund, even better! If you participate in your office softball team or Social Boston Sports, if you enjoy yoga or spin class so much you can’t miss it, or if you just genuinely get some kind of high off of using a treadmill or pumping iron, that’s all great and you should say so. But if you just make a point of saying how you always go to the gym and how important fitness is to you, I’m going to think that you’re really vain and appearance-focused. You know who else goes to the gym a lot? The Situation and Pauly D. Do you also tan and do laundry after your trips to the gym?

-Same with “I love to travel.” Good Lord. This is a pet peeve of mine not just with online dating, but with life in general. Traveling is not some kind of badge of honor. I am not impressed with your list of countries that you’ve visited. You are not morally superior because you’ve seen the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall of China. All that means is that you’ve had the money and the opportunity to travel to those places. Not all of us have! I do love to travel, as do most people, but I do not give a shit where you’ve been.

-You’re down-to-earth and easygoing, you love your family, you like both going out and staying in. All good things, and I even have some variation on those things in my own profile. But, really, done to death. If you really want to stand out, tell me some story about yourself, or at least get more specific. Is there some occasion where you look forward to seeing your family because you have some kind of yearly ritual? Do you like to make popcorn, drink a PBR, and watch DVR’ed episodes of Modern Family on Friday nights, followed by a Boylston Street pub crawl with your college friends on Saturday, during which you make sure to order a big plate of nachos? THESE are the things I want to know about.

But who knows? Maybe there aren’t really that many guys out there with profiles like these, and this is just my type. Maybe my destiny is to end up with a guy who hikes and loves traveling and going to the gym. If that’s true, at least I know that there are plenty of them.

Since I Haven’t Updated Much Lately…

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…let’s write a post about OTHER blogs! (But don’t stop reading this one—more entries coming soon, I promise!)

It came to my attention recently that I was not using Google to its full capacity. Aside from having to politely nod and pretend I know what “Google Buzz” and “Google Wave” are (I’m still not quite sure what they are, even after…uh, Googling them), I realized that I had nothing to say when other people started talking about their Google readers. Back in July, I resolved to set up a Google Reader but didn’t get around to it until a couple of weeks ago.

So now I have all the blogs I read, including the ones I constantly forget about and only manage to check occasionally, in one place, and damn, is it addictive. Whenever I’m online and my mind starts wandering, immediately, I think, “Ooh! Google Reader!” After I’d been on it for about a week, a friend informed me that you can also friend people on Google Reader and share items with them and view their shared items. When I went to add people to share things with, I discovered that nine people had already added me.

Since it took me about nine months to set up a Google Reader after resolving to do so, it will probably take me about as long to set up a blogroll on SSTS. In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you some of the blogs I have on my Google Reader. Over half of them are written by people I know, but some are blogs I discovered on my own or through word of mouth. Here’s a sampling:

Jezebel
Jezebel floods my Google Reader every day. I find about one out of five of their entries interesting, but since theyupdate so often, that’s a lot of readable content. Some of it is celebrity gossip I don’t care about (I really don’t need to read any more posts about Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan), but they also have a lot of well-written, feminist-perspective takes on pop culture and current events.

White Whine
Complaining about the large number of posts on Jezebel, I think, would qualify as a White Whine. Rebekah introduced me to this site awhile ago, and since then, I’ve constantly been referencing it. Have you ever heard someone complain about something like an iPhone app and thought, “Dude. You have an iPhone.”? That’s the whole idea behind this site. Example: “just arrived in Tokyo to find out that my BB doesn’t work here. Nice. I loathe using my laptop.” It’s hilarious not only for the dumb things people complain about, but because you can probably hear yourself in a lot of them. We all white whine sometimes.

What Claudia Wore
I’ve already blogged about this.

Tomato Nation
Sarah Bunting, aka Sars, is one of the founders of Television Without Pity, a site I used to spend a lot of time on and met some great friends on. She posts about all kinds of things, but she also has a semiweekly advice column called The Vine. While I dislike her opinions on baseball immensely (she’s a Yankees fan) and don’t always agree with her taste in TV, her advice is usually spot-on. The Vine also serves as a lost-and-found of sorts—people write in asking the readers to help identify a book/movie/song/product they’re looking for, and the readers are usually able to help.

So Much: A Diary of Decadent Desserts
Julie’s awesome blog on the sweet treats in her life.

Smart, Pretty, and Awkward
Rebekah finds a lot of cool blogs. She just introduced me to this one (via Google Reader!) this past week. Each post gives you three tips: one on how to be smarter, one on how to be prettier, and one on how to be less awkward.

Pamie.com
Pamela Ribon, aka Pamie, used to write Gilmore Girls recaps for Television Without Pity, but now she writes for TV itself. She’s been a writer on Samantha Who, Mind of Mencia, and Hot Properties and has written three novels, the most recent of which I just finished. She’s been blogging since 1998, back when she was a struggling twenty-something, and it’s encouraging to read her archives and see how far she’s come since then.

Notes on Popular Culture and Dissection and Introspection
These two blogs are written by Media Maven, a fellow twenty-something blogger who writes in a funny, accessible voice and has her own thoughts on the death of the song lyric away message.

Mjsbigblog
The largest and most popular American Idol blog out there.
….What?

Looks and Books
This is co-worker Jill’s blog, a very cool site about clothes and books…just what it sounds like.

Double X
Slate’s blog for women. Not updated quite as frequently as Jezebel, but they often have some good, female-focused posts. Just avoid anything by the obnoxious Amanda Marcotte, who’s a terrible writer.

Blonde Champagne
A few years ago, I read a wonderful book called 20-Something Essays by 20-Something Writers. One of those essays was by twenty-something Mary Beth Ellis (although I think she’s in her thirties now). Her essay was a funny yet poignant ode to living with OCD, and I’ve really enjoyed her blog as well.

Dead AIM?

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My work friends seem convinced that no one uses AIM anymore. Everyone else I know is not so sure—I know a lot of other people who do use AIM pretty regularly.

So I don’t know if most of the world has moved on to Gchat or if my publishing colleagues are just ahead of the curve (those in the know, insert joke about publishing and media here). Personally, although instant messaging figured heavily into my college thesis, I don’t like talking online via any means. To me, it’s one of the most awkward possible means of having a conversation. I’m terrible at reading tone of voice online, I can never tell if the person I’m talking to really wants to be talking to me, I never know when to end the conversation (especially if I want to remain online but just not talk to the person anymore), and if someone disappears for awhile, I don’t know if she went to pick up her laundry or if something I said offended her.

However, I do remember college, where life revolved around AIM. Before the Facebook status or Twitter, there was the AIM away message. We were constantly on AIM, updating our profiles to reflect the new dorm room we were in, the colors of our mood, and whatever clever quote we’d happen to come across. And it was imperative that the away message inform our friends, classmates, and potential stalkers where we were at all times. Studying! In the shower! Out with my friends (see, world, I have friends)! “Why isn’t the guy I like answering my messages? He’s away but not idle!” “Ooh, look, the girl in my freshman philosophy class whose away messages I check even though I never talk to her just got arrested with her roommates after her party got busted!” (True story.)

One thing that’s been lost in the translation from away messages to Facebook statuses and Twitter, though, is the art of the song lyric message. Most song lyrics are too long to sum up our deepest feelings in 140 characters, but that wasn’t a problem with the AIM away message! No, we didn’t have to come right out and say what we were feeling because an artist we liked had done it for us, leaving us with cryptic lyrics to provide our friends, hoping that they’d decipher our mood. And there were truly lyrics for every emotion. Here’s a sampling of how melodramatic and self-important Katie’s buddy list thought she was in college (and yes, I know my taste in music is all over the place and often questionable and no, I am not ashamed):

The Life-Is-Good-Let’s-Enjoy-This-Moment Message
This is the time to remember
‘Cause it will not last forever
These are the days to hold onto
‘Cause we won’t although we’ll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change…
-Billy Joel, “This Is the Time”

Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters
-Dave Matthews Band, “Best of What’s Around”

The I-Have-An-Unrequited-Crush Message
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now…
-Oasis, “Wonderwall”

Look at me
My depth perception must be off again
‘Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time…
-Saliva, “Rest in Pieces”

The I’m-Having-A-Crisis Message
Back in the days when everything seemed so much clearer
Women in white who knew what their lives held in store
Where are they now, those women who stared from the mirror?
We can never go back to before
-“Back to Before” from Ragtime (a song I love from a musical I’ve never actually seen)

I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
And tell me everything is wonderful now…
-Everclear, “Wonderful”

The I-Will-Survive-Whatever-That-Crisis-Is Message
It’s times like these we learn to live again
It’s times like these we give and give again
It’s times like these we learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
-Foo Fighters, “Times Like These”

It’s all right, I’m okay
I think God can explain
I believe I’m the same
I get carried away
It’s all right, I’m okay
I think God can explain
I’m relieved, I’m relaxed
I’ll get over it, yeah
I’m so much better than you guessed
I’m so much bigger than you guessed
I’m so much brighter than you guessed
-Splender, “I Think God Can Explain”

The I’m-A-Supportive-Friend Message
If I am only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down
-Nine Days, “If I Am”

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I’ll be there for you
Don’t have to be alone with what you’re going through
-Lifehouse, “Come Back Down”

The I-Like-Myself-Even-If-You-Don’t-You-Bitch Message
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends that love me
They know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
That’s who I am
-Jessica Andrews, “Who I Am”

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do and who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me.
-Gavin DeGraw, “I Don’t Want to Be”

The OMG-Onset-Of-Quarter-Life-Crisis Message
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree
I can’t pay the bills yet ‘cause I have no skills yet
The world is a big, scary place
But somehow I can’t shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race
-“What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?” from Avenue Q

I wake up scared
I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever gonna change
I wake up scared
I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same
-Barenaked Ladies, “What a Good Boy”

The I’m-Pissed-At-Someone-I’m-Not-Going-To-Name Message
You were almost kind, you were almost true
Don’t let them see that other side of you
-Guster, “Either Way”

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you’re pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled
-Evanescence, “Everybody’s Fool”

The I-Just-Watched-Garden-State Message

They won’t see us waving from such great heights
“Come down now,” they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
-Iron and Wine, “Such Great Heights”

It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
-Frou Frou, “Let Go” (actually, I didn’t use these away messages much myself, but there was a time where it seemed like half my buddy list did)

The Has-No-Relevance-To-My-Life-I-Just-Like-The-Sound-Of-It Message
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where what we want is only what we want until it’s ours…
-Train, “Calling All Angels”

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?And don’t it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?
-Goo Goo Dolls, “Name”

The Time-For-Bed-Message (yes, I had a few of those)
When you dream, what do you dream about? Do you dream about music or mathematics
Or planets too far for the eye?Do you dream about Jesus or quantum mechanics
Or angels who sing lullabyes?
-Barenaked Ladies, “When You Dream”

Someday we’ll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on
They never die.
That’s how (buddy name) and I will be
-Billy Joel, “Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)” (remember that thing that would insert the buddy’s screenname into the away message?)

Plus lots of other songs that only worked on certain occasions. U2’s “Beautiful Day” for the first nice spring day we had. When I participated in a dance marathon, I was thrilled that it gave me a chance to use Melissa Etheridge’s “Dance Without Sleeping.” And around graduation time…do I even need to name all the sappy songs we had to choose from?

Writing this post has made me realize that I listen to music differently now than I did when I was in college. I think having the option of the away message gave me a more self-centered view of what I listened to. Now, when I hear a song I like, I often think of a story that the lyrics could be applied to, but it’s not usually a scenario that involves me. And being a few years removed from college has made me see how inconsequential most of the dramas I paid tribute to in my away messages really were.

I don’t usually beg for comments, but in this case, I know I’m not the only one who fondly remembers the days where AIM was the center of our worlds and the away message was the source of all your knowledge about your friends, roommates, and former classmates you haven’t seen since freshman year. What did you put up for your away messages?